


I've Done Wrong

by RobinPlaysTrumpet15



Series: Drawings from Soulmates [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, sirius talks to older sirius a couple of times, young sirius and remus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 04:40:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9584012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinPlaysTrumpet15/pseuds/RobinPlaysTrumpet15
Summary: Sirius realizes some of his actions may not come across as he means them





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I really hope you like this new installment of this series, especially since the first part was so well received. I actually started to write this fic awhile ago, but my fandom obsession had gotten switched, so it didn't get finished until now. You can thank Free Form (formerly ABC Family) for having a(nother) Harry Potter Weekend. (I'm hoping to stay getting into the habit of focusing on more than one fandom at a time. Anyway, here it is and I hope you like it.

Sirius woke up on July 31st the same way he had the morning before. Or, at least he thought he had. He laid still for a moment, eyes still unopened and soaking in the warmth trapped beneath his comforter. Strangely, he was warmer than usual and the space seemed smaller.

When he decided to get up and stumble down to the kitchen, Sirius rolled over… And promptly pushed somebody straight to the floor.

“Ow!”

Sirius’ eyes flew open as he shot up, leaning over the side of his bed. There on the floor was Remus Lupin, a tight, pained expression twisting his features as he slowly pushed himself up on his elbows. The cold wooden floor beneath him was not forgiving.

“Remus? What are you doing here?” Sirius asked. He rubbed at his hair. The black waves were a rat’s nest in the morning and hadn’t been cut in a while. Even though plenty of men in the Black family had long hair, the children’s were kept short. Boys didn’t grow out their hair until they graduated from school, but Sirius, being the rebellious twelve year old that he was, hadn’t gotten it cut since right before last school year.

“I… I don’t know. Where am I?” Remus said, taking a moment to look around the room.

“Umm… my house?” Sirius said. He glanced over to his window, taking in the light streaming through the… ripped… up… curtains… “What in the world?”

Sirius threw the covers off of himself and carefully got to his feet, helping Remus up too. Sirius took a moment to realize that even within the past two months that he hadn’t seen his friend, Remus had grown taller and was now just a centimeter or two taller than him.

Looking around the room, Sirius noticed something that was strangely off from last night. Everything had a thick layer of dust as if it hadn’t been touched in at least ten years. The colors of the curtains and his blankets were faded and different than they had been last night. Before drifting off to sleep, the blanket he’d had was thick and nice with a black and grey floral pattern to it. Now it was thinner, seemed well worn, and was a faded scarlet. The wallpaper was peeling and there were pictures hung up around the room with tape that he didn’t recognize. Some of them seemed to portray older versions of himself and his friends…

“Sirius… Why does your room look… haunted?” Remus asked, stepping over to the desk and running his fingers through the dust on top of an old textbook. Sirius was half certain he’d seen that exact textbook carried around by fifth years.

“This can’t be my room…” Sirius turned quickly, grabbing the knob on his door and pulling it open. There could be no mistaking the nameplate nailed into the dark wood. Sirius Orion Black.

Distantly, Sirius heard voices and footsteps in other parts of the house, though none of them sounded angry or upset. Walking briskly, Sirius crossed the hall and knocked on Regulus’ door.

“Regulus?” Sirius called. Silence. “Reg?”

He pushed the door open, taking in the room before him. It was also dreary and dusty with no sign of his brother.

“Sirius?” He turned to find Remus standing in the middle of the hall, staring at him. His caramel curls were wild and unruly, flattened on one side of his head from where he’d been laying on the pillow. Sirius didn’t say anything as he moved forward quickly to embrace his soulmate. Remus took him in his arms, resting his chin on Sirius’ shoulder.

“What’s going on?” Sirius whispered.

Remus shook his head, no answer coming.

“Sirius? You can’t hide upstairs all day! Breakfast is ready!” a woman’s voice called from downstairs. Sirius was jumping away from Remus quickly, nearly pushing the younger boy back into his room and hiding him. That was before he realized that the woman’s voice was definitely not his mother’s… or anyone else’s that he recognized…

“Who was that?” Remus asked as Sirius crept over to the railing and peered down to the floor below.

“Dunno…”

“Coming, Molly!” Suddenly footsteps were coming down from the attic, someone approaching quickly. The two turned to the stairs, eyes wide and staring.

A man appeared on the landing, hair wavy and black, similar to Sirius’ own. For a moment, Sirius thought he was looking at a younger version of his father before he realized that his face was kinder and his father never had facial hair as this stranger did.

“W-who are you?” Sirius demanded, trying to be brave. He stood a little bit in front of Remus, the urge to protect his soulmate bubbling up in his gut.

“Oh my…” the man said, almost to himself. “Sirius? Remus?”

Sirius was taking a step back, reaching behind him for Remus’ hand.

“Oh dear, alright. Boys, come with me.” the man said, coming a little closer. He reached out to put a hand on their shoulders, but pulled back when Sirius growled at him, something animalistic growing in his chest. The man seemed startled before a soft smile lifted the corners of his mouth. He crouched down, letting himself become smaller than the young preteen before him. “I promise I do not want to hurt you.”

“You’re not taking him to Mother and Father…” Sirius said. He sounded braver than he felt.

“And I’d never dream of it. Trust me, they can’t touch you here.” the man said softly.

“Liar. They live here, they can do whatever they want.”

“I promise you, Sirius. They cannot hurt you.”

Something about the sincerity of the man’s strikingly familiar silvery eyes urged Sirius to go ahead and trust him. He relaxed his muscles just slightly, his frown staying firmly in place.

“Sirius Black, you get down here now before Molly has a fit!” a man’s voice was calling now.

The man was quiet for a second, not taking his eyes off of the boys. “I’ll be down in a second, Re.”

A stunned look crossed Sirius’ face. “Your name is Sirius?”

The man smiled again. “Come on. Trust me?”

A glance back at Remus told Sirius that he wasn’t getting any help from his mate on this one. The decision was up to Sirius, because Remus may be brave, but this wasn’t his house and he was just as lost as his friend seemed to be.

Sirius looked back at the older Sirius and nodded slowly. The man stood back up and placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder and led the two slowly down the stairs. In a moment, they came down to the last landing and the kitchen door.

“Good morning Molly, Arthur.” The man greeted pleasantly, walking past a man and woman at the counter. They both had red hair, the woman’s a little curly and brushing her shoulders, the man’s thinning and a little grey.

“Hello, Sirius.” the woman said, turning around and stopping short at the sight of Sirius and Remus. “Sirius, what… what is this?”

Sirius was wondering the same thing. He had never seen these people before, and he was still reeling from finding Remus in his bed in the first place. He looked around the kitchen, noting that even this room looked older and more worn than he remembered. Just yesterday, the dark wood in the house had all been shiny and well-taken care of. Waking up less than twelve hours later, the house he used to call home was broken down and looked to have been ignored for years and years, wallpaper faded and peeling from the walls in the hallways.

“Molly, this is Sirius and Remus. Boys, this is Molly Weasley and her husband, Arthur.” the man said. Sirius glanced up at him and wondered what the hell was going on here.

“Sirius, where did they come from?” Molly sat down in the nearest chair. She clutched at her chest a little, a look of nostalgia growing in her eyes.

“My bedroom.” Sirius said, tightening his grip on Remus’ hand.

“Your… your bedroom?” Arthur asked. He came closer as well, Sirius unconsciously pressing into his soulmate’s side.

“Sirius, dear,” Molly said, drawing the twelve year old’s attention. “Can you tell me what you remember?”

“I went to sleep last night. Regulus and I had had a fight, and Father sent us to bed before dinner. When I woke up, I accidentally pushed Remus out of the bed. Then he found us.” Sirius explained, glancing back at the older Sirius.

“And is Regulus upstairs too?” Sirius shook his head no. “And Remus was here last night?” Again, Sirius shook his head.

“No, ma’am.”

Remus threaded his fingers through Sirius’, holding tighter to the older boy’s hand.

“One more question, dear.” Sirius nodded for Molly to continue. “What’s the date today?”

“July 31st, 1972.”

Molly nodded, and sat Sirius and Remus down at the table. “Are you boys hungry?”

They both shrugged rather noncommittally. Molly tsked and began plating food. She pushed two large plates of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of them. Sirius looked at it for a moment before glancing over at Remus on his left.

“Boys, please eat.” she said. Sirius pulled Arthur out of the room for a second before the redhead came back in without the older Sirius. “I promise that I’m not going to poison you.”

It took five minutes of convincing before either of them began eating. Remus was the brave one who lifted his fork and speared some eggs first. When they did finally eat, Molly smiled before standing and moving away again.

As they ate, Arthur and Molly excused themselves to go do something in some other part of the house. Sirius had the suspicion that there were other people around that they hadn’t seen yet, especially when they heard a chorus of different voices and footsteps upstairs.

“Remus…” Sirius mumbled. The taller boy turned a little, ignoring his food that he hadn’t really eaten much of. When the black haired twelve year old didn’t look at him, he sighed a little, leaning over and hugging him. Sirius’ hands came up to hold onto Remus’ arm across his chest.

“I dunno what’s going on, Sirius, but we’ll be fine. I promise.” Remus whispered into his soulmate’s ear. Sirius nodded. He couldn’t understand what was really going on here. Last night, he’d planned on waking up today and apologizing to Regulus. Though he supposed it could be worse. He could have woken up alone in all this. At least he had Remus with him.

“What if my parents show up here?” Sirius asked, turning his face to nuzzle into his mate’s shoulder.

“Sirius, I’m beginning to think it we might not be in 1972 anymore. I’m not sure your parents are really what we need to be worrying about right now.” Remus said.

“I always worry about my parents. I told you in May, and I’ll tell you again. I don’t want them to know about you. Ever.” Sirius said.

Remus’ grip slackened and fell away. The older boy’s eyebrows furrowed, watching as Remus pulled his hands into his lap.

“What?” Sirius asked.

“I feel like you’re embarrassed of me, Sirius.” Remus said. His eyes were downcast, watching his fingers twist together and pull at each other.

“I… I’m not!” Sirius was shocked. He’d explained this several times already. There was a reason he didn’t want his parents to know about Remus, and it was to keep him safe! Remus should know that!

“Sirius, you make it sound like you care more about what they think than-”

“No, Remus! I’ve told you before! I don’t care that they won’t approve. But they’ll take me out of school and I’ll never see you again. Or they’ll do something to you, God forbid you ever actually meet them! Remus, I can’t let them do that. I won’t leave you and they won’t take you away from me.” Sirius said. He was standing now, pacing along the wall, wanting to take hold of Remus’ shoulders and make him understand. Remus had to know that he cared about him, right?

The younger boy was silent. Sirius gripped his hair in his hands, trying to calm himself. Remus was not, repeat not, going to meet his mother and father. No way, no how. And Mr. and Mrs. Black most certainly were not going to find out about Sirius’ soulmate. Absolutely not. When Remus said nothing, Sirius stopped pacing. He stood behind the curly haired boy and waited for him to say something. He had to respond at some point, right? Remus wouldn’t just sit there silently as if Sirius hadn’t said anything at all.

Eventually Sirius was done. He was fed up.

“Fine.” Sirius said, turning and all but storming out of the kitchen. He flew up the stairs, finding his way easily back to his room and slamming the door behind him. Sirius threw himself down on his bed, crossing his arms firmly across his chest.

In the back of his mind, deep down in his chest, Sirius knew that he was only reacting this way because of the house. After spending a year at Hogwarts, surrounded by people who actually seemed to care about him and showed him what it was like to be loved for who he was and not who his parents wanted him to be, Sirius hated this house. In all fairness, he hadn’t been overly fond of this place before school, but now it was bad. And it didn’t help much to have Remus around either. He just felt on edge. Sirius felt like any second his parents were going to come bursting in and see Remus and take him. They were going to throw him out or hurt him or something and Sirius didn’t know what he’d do if that happened.

The longer Sirius sat and thought, the more his vision blurred, staring down at the worn wood floor beneath his feet. The wear in the wood suggested that someone had done this a lot through the years. Someone had sat in this exact same spot and scuffed their feet so many times, the dark wood was light and soft with age and use. But soon he couldn’t see anything aside from the blurred colors of his pajama pants and the floor. Hot, angry tears rolled down over his cheeks, forcing Sirius to reach up and wipe them away quickly, pretending that more weren’t replacing them.

A knock on the door sounded through the room.

“Go away, Remus.” Sirius called.

“Sirius, I think you need to talk to someone.” That wasn’t Remus. That was the older Sirius. Sirius stood up and pulled the door open to look up at the older man. He did look remarkably like his father, and Sirius wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Something deep in him told him that Remus was right, that they weren’t in 1972 anymore, and this older Sirius was him in the future.

“Maybe I do, and maybe I don’t, but I don’t want to.” Sirius said stubbornly, sitting back down on the bed and looking away from the older man’s silver eyes.

“I know you don’t want to.” the older man said, stepping inside the room. He pulled the chair away from the desk and sat on it backwards, leaning his arms on the back of it. “So why don’t we talk anyway?”

Sirius huffed. He blew a puff of air up, catching the lock of hair that was in his eyes and blowing it away from his face. For a moment, it worked before the hair fell right back into place.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“No, no. Something happened.”

Sirius grumbled quietly. “Doesn’t he understand? Doesn’t he get it?” he said, leaning over and bracing his elbows on his knees.

The older Sirius chuckled a little bit. “Remus is smart, but sometimes things slip by him. He understands the concept of what you’re saying, you know.”

“No, I don’t know.” Sirius said, staring at the rug out in the hallway.

Older Sirius sighed good naturedly. “Sirius. Look at me.”

His head was moving before he gave it permission to do so, eyes locking with his older self.

“Something that you’ll have to learn about Remus is that he has virtually no self esteem. He knows how awful our parents were. Really, he does. Or at least, he will.”

“What, you mean he actually does want me to go and tell them that I’m supposed to grow up and fall in love with a halfblood boy who gets these god awful bruises and gashes all over himself once a month?! I can’t tell them that! They would tear him to pieces!” Sirius all but yelled.

“I didn’t say that.” Older Sirius said simply, lowering his voice just a little, encouraging the younger Sirius to do the same. “He doesn’t want to meet them. I think the problem is that you say it in a way that comes off as if you don’t want them to know because of what’s ‘wrong’ with him.”

That gave Sirius a momentary pause. Could that really be true? Was he unintentionally making Remus feel as if he was secondary to Sirius’ reputation?

“I… I didn’t mean to do that…” Sirius mumbled. “I didn’t mean to make him feel like that…”

“I know. Trust me, I know.” The older man said. He rested his chin on top of his arms. “I did the same thing.”

“So… you really are me?” Sirius asked, glancing up and not caring how he looked with tears welling up in his eyes again.

The man nodded. “Hopefully we’ll find out what sent you here and get you both back home.”

Sirius smiled a little at that. He wanted to go back to 1972. He’d have a month and then he’d be back at Hogwarts with Remus and James and Peter and everything would be great. Everything would be back to normal.

“Before that though, you may want to go talk to Remus.” the older man said, jerking his head gently towards the door. Sirius nodded, standing. “My Remus is with him in the kitchen still.”

Sirius paused a second. His Remus? So they do stay together?

He nodded before walking back down the hallway.

The floor below was just beginning to bustle with activity. There were quite a few people moving about, taking turns in the two full baths the house had and coming in and out of rooms. Sirius had never seen them before. Two of them were twins and looked as if they were Molly and Arthur’s. Two more redheads were also milling about, a boy and a girl. They were accompanied by a bushy haired, brunette girl and a black haired boy with glasses. For a moment, Sirius almost thought the boy was James, but the green eyes behind the glasses said otherwise. Besides, this version of James was a teenager, as opposed to the older Sirius, who must have been in his thirties.

When Sirius was noticed, everyone stopped and stared at him. He stared back at them, uncomfortable with the attention.

“Who are you?” One of the twins asked.

“George, leave him be.” Molly said, appearing from one of the rooms.

“I’m Fred.”

“I’m not falling for that again, George Weasley.”

“No, really, Mum. I’m Fred.”

“Sorry, Fred.” Molly said absently, approaching Sirius. “Come on, dear.”

The woman put an arm around Sirius’ shoulders and guided him gently through the hallway, everyone making way for them and watching quietly. Sirius felt like an animal in a zoo then, meant to be stared at for the amusement of others.

Molly took him down one flight of steps before allowing him to make his own way down to the kitchen. He smiled a little at her as she left, the redheaded woman answering with a beaming grin. She was nice, and Sirius wished that he had someone like her back in his own time.

Just as Sirius rounded the door to the kitchen, someone came out, the two of them smacking into each other and falling to the floor.

“Ow!” They both yelled. Sirius grabbed his forehead, the other person held their mouth, which seemed to have hit Sirius.

Not even a second later and there was an awful, piercing scream ripping through the air. A woman’s voice was shouting and screaming horrid things into the hallway. Sirius was stilling as he felt the blood completely drain from him. No… She was here…

“MUDBLOODS IN MY HOUSE! BLOOD TRAITORS! GET OUT! GET-”

A pair of eyes seemed to focus on Sirius as he balled up on the floor, hands clutched over his ears.

“YOU!! YOU WERE BANISHED! YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE! NO CHILD OF MINE WILL BE A BLOOD TRAITOR! YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THE NAME OF BLACK! TRAITOR! CONSORTING WITH A WEREWOLF! MY CHILD WON’T BE SUCH AN ABOMINATION!”

Sirius screamed without realizing it. Tears fell hard and fast, dripping into a puddle beneath his cheek. How could she have been here and he hadn’t realized it? She was going to kill him this time, Sirius was sure. She had come so close a few times, especially when he came home from school, everything he owned suddenly scarlet and gold.

Sirius cried and screamed, wishing he could save Remus or himself. He hoped that the people upstairs were safer than he was, that his mother wouldn’t be able to hurt them. The screaming continued until suddenly it was gone and the only sound was Sirius himself. He didn’t notice his mother’s voice was missing until someone was shaking him.

“Sirius! Sirius!” Hands were on him, and without thinking, he lashed out, pushing the person away. He would have liked to hit them, cause some damage, knowing that he mother was going to do the same to him. All he could do was curl back in on himself.

“Sirius, please!”

His mother was back, pulling at him. She did that. If he curled into a ball, she would force him to uncurl so she could get at his stomach. She kicked him there a lot. 

Suddenly Sirius was swiping at her, hand connecting with something. He could feel his nails bite into skin briefly before she jerked away.

“Ow!” someone yelled.

That sounded nothing like his mother, but in his panicked state, Sirius didn’t notice. He took his free chance to race to his feet, suddenly finding himself slamming his bedroom door shut behind him and forcing his chair under the knob so she and his father would have a harder time getting in. But eventually they would. They always did.

*

The next thing Sirius knew was opening his eyes, lying down in his bed. The pillow was wet beneath his eyes and cheek. When he shifted, his arms rubbing against the sheets and it stung. Looking down, his forearms were covered in red nails marks, some of which were seeping blood. Sirius stared, shocked. Those were from him, he could tell.

There was a soft knock at the door. “S-Sirius? P-please let me in…” That was Remus.

Sirius was jumping to his feet, head swimming as he stood. He yanked the chair away from the door, turning the knob and pulling the door open. Remus stood before him, looking shaken and jittery, hands trembling.

Before he could think about it, Sirius was throwing his arms around Remus’ neck and holding onto his soulmate tightly. He didn’t quite remember exactly what had just happened, but he knew it wasn’t good. If he was bleeding, with a wet pillow on his bed, then that wasn’t good to begin with. But to wake up with his chair jamming his door shut and Remus locked out and looking as if he had been crying or was about to, that was something on a whole new level of bad.

“Sirius…” Remus pulled his arms around the shorter boy’s waist, gripping his shirt tightly to hide the shaking in his fingers.

“Re… I don’t remember what just happened…” Sirius admitted, pressing his nose into the skin beneath Remus’ jaw.

“You forgot?”

Sirius nodded. “I do that sometimes… When something freaks me out bad enough… I’ll sort of forget where I am or what’s going on…”

Remus was nodding now, holding onto Sirius even tighter, if that was at all possible.

Sirius was loathe to let go of the younger boy, but when he did, Remus reached up to take hold of his arms and inspect the damage. Sirius caught sight of the exact same claw marks on Remus’ own arms, but a matching set on his cheek too. He knew that if he were to look into a mirror, he’d see them on himself as well.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” Remus offered gently. He didn’t smile. He didn’t even look up. But he did stay calm, and that was what Sirius appreciated in that moment.

In the bathroom, Sirius started the water in the sink, letting it run warm for a second before holding his scratches beneath the stream. Remus grabbed the soap, rubbing it over the small cuts. The sting made Sirius wince a little, but he didn’t care much. It would be fine. Afterwards, Remus grabbed the hand towel hanging on the wall and patted at Sirius’ arms.

“Remus.” Sirius said.

The taller boy didn’t look up as he hummed an acknowledgement.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Remus hung the towel back up and left the room, heading back to Sirius’ bedroom as the black haired boy followed.

“For hurting you.”

“It’s just a scratch, Sirius. It doesn’t even hurt.” Remus was settling himself on the edge of the bed, ignoring how it was still rumpled and unmade from earlier that morning.

“No, not that. Though, I am sorry for that too…” Sirius said, raking his eyes over the red lines. “I meant before in the kitchen. And every time before that.”

Remus sighed. “I know you are. I knew you didn’t mean it the way I felt it, but… It’s fine. It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does.” Sirius argued.

“Maybe it does, and maybe it doesn’t, but can you just let me worry about what happened after that?” Remus said, turning his eyes up to Sirius’ finally.

Sirius stared back for a second. What had happened?

“Is your forehead okay? I hit it pretty hard…” Remus was leaning closer now, pushing Sirius’ hair away from his forehead and inspecting it.

“When?”

“Just a little while ago. We ran into each other. Then the portrait on the wall started screaming.”

Sirius leaned away from Remus then. He stared the younger boy straight in the eye, inspecting the green color there.

“What portrait?” Sirius asked.

Remus’ eyebrows furrowed together as he looked right back at his mate. “There’s a portrait of your mother in the hallway downstairs. They said they keep a curtain over it so that she’ll sleep, but loud noises wake her up.”

Sirius didn’t remember that existing before. But he supposed lots of things can change in the future. This was all still a bit too weird for him though.

“When she started screaming you just sort of… fell into a fit…” Remus said quietly, eyes finally leaving Sirius’. “I tried to help, but you just pushed me away and curled up on the floor…”

A brief scrap of memory flashed through Sirius’ mind. His cheek was wet, tears puddled beneath it. He pushed frantically at the hands shaking his shoulder.

Sirius’ eyes went wide with a kind of horror. “I… I thought she was here… I thought you were her trying to…”

The black haired preteen was all but throwing himself on Remus and hugging him tightly.

“God, I’m so sorry, Remus!”

It was quiet. Remus didn’t say anything. He didn’t lift his arms to hug Sirius back, he didn’t nuzzle into Sirius’ hair as he had done before when the boy was upset about something. He didn’t do anything.

When Sirius opened his eyes, the room was dark. The wallpaper on the walls was just as it had always been. His curtains weren’t ripped up or moth eaten. His comforter was thick with a black and gray floral pattern. Sirius clutched a pillow tightly to his chest, a pillow that was slightly damp, but warm from his body heat.

Something clenched inside Sirius’ chest. He missed Remus. He wouldn’t see Remus again for another month, and that was going to drive him crazy. In that moment though, Sirius knew what he could do. He sat up, swinging his feet to the floor and standing. He rummaged around in his trunk for a moment before pulling out a half full ink bottle and a quill. In the dark, with only the light from the waning moon, Sirius carefully inked words onto his arms. The black ink didn’t stand out overly well on top of his fresh bruises, but that didn’t matter. Sirius could still tell what it said, and he hoped Remus could too.

‘I miss you’.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I really hope you liked it. Let me know what you think , and per usual, if you found any grammar mistakes, let know so that I may fix them as fast as possible. Thanks again!


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